individual

it was for the better and we both knew it. but those days of innocent summer night drives and rainy day television were no longer, we couldn't stay in the now because we had nothing. our breathes held we were able to jump to the next part of life....

This is the demo for the Florida band I Have Dreams. You know the story on this and it shines through with impassioned lyrics and a forceful delivery that drips of raw emotion. Absolutely recommended.

I Have Dreams - Demo (1999)

The Lonliness of Youth

I spent so many years locked inside, nary a thought verbalized that wasn't of imminent importance. I got the help I needed and I can see in my reflections the absurdity of eras past, but I feel their shadow on the my progressing future.
My breaths are shallow.
My thoughts won't cease.
I question the help I sought because if the end result was correct then I wouldn't have to deal with these invisible eyes and make-believe worlds that twist in and out of reality, only leaving their impression of false histories and blocked memories.
It's a struggle to keep focus when that which is at the back of your mind is the back of your life.

a heart-filled reaction to dissatisfaction

these words are telling more than they let on, they composure and place hardly indicative of the real sentences that we string together with sweaty palms and shaking voices. for once you are making a choice to achieve that which has been here all along...

Currently I am listening to this album, you should to:
City of Caterpillar - s/t (2002)

blue shirt a size too small

I know my goals.
Until this weekend that was...

have you ever been blindsided? i'm not ready even if i could have been.
letting this sink in is more of an effort than the shock itself. i don't have a clue what to do or how to react.
i can't let myself go back to how i was, i must persevere towards my greatest goals of self-fulfillment, and that means i can't pass this by. i mustn't hault myself either, because then i shall lose the momentum that i've gained. i must for once in my life learn the final dimension and not forget who i am and what i am here for in the process.

a real test of what i am capable of and my comittment to that which i dream of.

but what of the consequences?