honesty

slowly stagnating the smell is sour and sickening, i ask myself why i ventilate these fumes. no worry the effects are pleasant and palatable to my refined sense of self-satisfaction. yet this is not the vision of perfection by any definition, pock marked with track marks and tourniquet wear embellish the already sorry state of existence. i bow before no man but time is no man it is the phantom in the shadows that slowly takes away the smiles and dreams that could never be fulfilled. it is the executioner of a silent man in a silent daze from a sickening ritual and its sickening high.

Do Not Resuscitate

I'm breathing barely breaking this oxygen down. In my final breaths I whisper without solace "The love I felt is no more, and the life we share was shattered from the beginning. Forgive me."

Listen to this band:
Do Not Resuscitate (aussie power violence)

progress

not fucking up. life is kind of tolerable for once.

Colony - Demo (2009)

fuck

i've been dreaming of this day for a while now.
why the fuck am i so mad?

local hardcore

Hey guys here are 3 albums by some East Tennessee hardcore bands.

Faded - their side of the Faded/Gravebound split CD
Fingers Crossed - Self-Destructor CDEP
Bruteforce - Only Way Out CDEP

Each of these bands are excellent hard working bands and some of the best hardcore going on right now. Give it a listen.
East TN Hardcore

disgust

i am not there.
i choose not to cross the line from opening myself to emptying myself. i have my values and they won't allow such frivolous actions on my behalf, it's what i call integrity and self-respect. i will not lower myself.
i just wish you could do the same.

clarity

how many can you count? for me it's well over 6 and i can say that with some knowledge in it's stability. i can't stand you or anything about you, you speak nothing but lies and your ways are harming me. i don't take criticism very well, i just want you to know that i will always be there with a mic in hand. if you head isn't the biggest you don't know what to say or to think except the red nonsense that leaves my mind in chains. i wish this crack didn't break my unity.

you should have this, but if you have don't here it is, Despise You - Westside Horizons. west coast power violence. 'nuff said.

Despise You - Westside Horizons (1999)

honesty

can you look at yourself in the mirror? can you answer those questions that you bite back when they come to mind? do you really believe in your desires?

rippling yourself awake from your daze, your hands won't clean. you can't remember feeling so god-like and all-powerful, yet you know with a sinking heart the destination of your tale. that moment was enough, you can never take it back, no matter how much you plead. you know that no matter what you say, you'd be back there in a moment's notice. your hands will never clean.

Disembodied - Existence in Suicide (1995)

portal

i look in the mirror and what i see around me is not what is reflecting to me. i see the haunted worlds of distant ages when ideas were the farthest thing from our minds, the rope cutting deeper each second. it was too bad that rope slipped and the knife dropped, but now we delve deeper into our own personal reflections of the other... perhaps we were better off in heaven.

individual

it was for the better and we both knew it. but those days of innocent summer night drives and rainy day television were no longer, we couldn't stay in the now because we had nothing. our breathes held we were able to jump to the next part of life....

This is the demo for the Florida band I Have Dreams. You know the story on this and it shines through with impassioned lyrics and a forceful delivery that drips of raw emotion. Absolutely recommended.

I Have Dreams - Demo (1999)

The Lonliness of Youth

I spent so many years locked inside, nary a thought verbalized that wasn't of imminent importance. I got the help I needed and I can see in my reflections the absurdity of eras past, but I feel their shadow on the my progressing future.
My breaths are shallow.
My thoughts won't cease.
I question the help I sought because if the end result was correct then I wouldn't have to deal with these invisible eyes and make-believe worlds that twist in and out of reality, only leaving their impression of false histories and blocked memories.
It's a struggle to keep focus when that which is at the back of your mind is the back of your life.

a heart-filled reaction to dissatisfaction

these words are telling more than they let on, they composure and place hardly indicative of the real sentences that we string together with sweaty palms and shaking voices. for once you are making a choice to achieve that which has been here all along...

Currently I am listening to this album, you should to:
City of Caterpillar - s/t (2002)

blue shirt a size too small

I know my goals.
Until this weekend that was...

have you ever been blindsided? i'm not ready even if i could have been.
letting this sink in is more of an effort than the shock itself. i don't have a clue what to do or how to react.
i can't let myself go back to how i was, i must persevere towards my greatest goals of self-fulfillment, and that means i can't pass this by. i mustn't hault myself either, because then i shall lose the momentum that i've gained. i must for once in my life learn the final dimension and not forget who i am and what i am here for in the process.

a real test of what i am capable of and my comittment to that which i dream of.

but what of the consequences?